I've Lost My Cooking Virginity; I'm Going to Cook Lots of Things Now.

"Tim (Fractal Footwork)" (fractalfootwork)
10/06/2020 at 17:54 • Filed to: CookkositeLock

I’ve cooked before, but it never really counted.

The night proceeded as follows:

Open a beer and watch some Anthony Bourdain.

Say out loud with nobody around, unironically: “how hard can it be...?”

Crack open a bottle of cheap wine (Steak House in this case that I was saving to eat with a steak, as I am unoriginal).

Pump up the Kid A (Happy 20th!).

Google a roast recipe and attempt to follow the first one I find with a that’s close-enough attitude. The recipe asked for 3-5 lbs chuck roast, I had .85 lbs of stew meat; adaptation followed.

Whipped up a small batch of mashed potatoes as I had time.

Drunkenly congratulated myself when I tasted the almighty creation.

What should I cook next?

DISCUSSION (27)

HammerheadFistpunch > Tim (Fractal Footwork)
10/06/2020 at 17:59

as long as you didn’t lose your virginity cooking...though I don’t judge.

BaconSandwich is tasty. > Tim (Fractal Footwork)
10/06/2020 at 17:59

I recommend chili. It’s hard to mess up, and is almost always tasty. Also easily frozen for leftovers.

whatisthatsound > Tim (Fractal Footwork)
10/06/2020 at 18:03

I would try making homemade pasta and sauce, it’s quite a confidence boost when you turn flour and tomatoes into pasta and sauce. Not particularly difficult. I’ve been making it for 15 years but I will regularly reference this article

https://www.seriouseats.com/2015/01/best-easy-all-purpose-fresh-pasta-dough-recipe-instructions.html

ClassicDatsunDebate > Tim (Fractal Footwork)
10/06/2020 at 18:06

Since you got the “cook meat in wine in a dutch oven” thing going...try a different animal;

https://leitesculinaria.com/5399/recipes-julia-child-coq-au-vin.html

just-a-scratch > Tim (Fractal Footwork)
10/06/2020 at 18:07

Next: some sort of pulled pork dish. Lots of them are very forgiving to novice cooking and the payoff is great.

boredalways > HammerheadFistpunch
10/06/2020 at 18:09

Hey if he wants to explore unique seasonings as a blossoming chef, that's his right.

ttyymmnn > Tim (Fractal Footwork)
10/06/2020 at 18:10

Julia Child was drunk most of the time she was cooking.

The idea that cooking is hard is a myth perpetrated by people who want you to think it’s hard. I t’s nothing more than following the instructions.

Tim (Fractal Footwork) > ttyymmnn
10/06/2020 at 18:16

You don’t even need to 100% follow the instructions either, based on my experience last night.

Cash Rewards > Tim (Fractal Footwork)
10/06/2020 at 18:19

My first real cooking experience was similar, involving Emeril. "That doesn't look hard at all! Lets try it!". And it's really not. Watch chef's like Emeril, or Bourdain, and you realize it really doesn't have to be hard to be very very good

gmporschenut also a fan of hondas > Tim (Fractal Footwork)
10/06/2020 at 18:29

This is Oppositelock: chicken parm

Akio Ohtori - RIP Oppo > HammerheadFistpunch
10/06/2020 at 18:32

Don’t kink shame man

Tim (Fractal Footwork) > gmporschenut also a fan of hondas
10/06/2020 at 18:34

This reference is lost on me, but okay.

ZHP Sparky, the 5th > ClassicDatsunDebate
10/06/2020 at 18:37

I was just going to say, a coq au vin would be a very easy yet equally delicious option that people think is much harder than it is to make.

Similarly there are others like chicken paprika , marsala, etc. that are also crazy delicious but as long as you can follow some basic instructions require very little technique or skill.

phenotyp > Tim (Fractal Footwork)
10/06/2020 at 18:47

Cooking is both way easier and way harder than people think.

Doesn’t much matter what you cook, just that you do. So get to it.

DasWauto > Tim (Fractal Footwork)
10/06/2020 at 18:49

Try spaghetti carbonara. Pancetta, eggs, pepper, salt, pasta, pretty simple and delicious.

ClassicDatsunDebate > ZHP Sparky, the 5th
10/06/2020 at 18:50

exactly! The only thing you have to remember, especially if you are happening to do it in a pressure cooker, is to make sure the alcohol in the wine or brandy is completely cooked-off before you seal it up or the stew will be overly pungent with alcohol. It’s less of an issue in a dutch oven but still.

Mid Engine > Tim (Fractal Footwork)
10/06/2020 at 18:56

Chicken cordon bleu. Cut the chicken breast in the middle (not all the way through) to make a pocket. Fill with ham and cheese. Use toothpicks to close the chicken back up. Bake.

ttyymmnn > Tim (Fractal Footwork)
10/06/2020 at 19:26

That’s when things start getting interesting.

feather-throttle-not-hair > Tim (Fractal Footwork)
10/06/2020 at 19:31

Fuck yeah! Cooking is awesome. One of my favorite things to cook is tonkatsu (japanese deep fried pork cutlet) it’s exactly as savory as it sounds, but with a very nice delicate crunch. You also get to use panko, which is king among bread crumbs.

Kinja'd!!!

Jim Spanfeller > Tim (Fractal Footwork)
10/06/2020 at 19:41

Now you have an excuse to browse The Takeout. Also, have a cookie recipe: https://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/food-network-kitchen/peanut-butter-chocolate-no-bake-cookies-recipe-2015085 We make no-bake cookies like this all the time. They’re quick, easy to make, and frickin’ delicious. You really can’t go wrong with these!

gmporschenut also a fan of hondas > Tim (Fractal Footwork)
10/06/2020 at 21:33

https://oppositelock.kinja.com/tag/chicken-parm

OPPOsaurus WRX > gmporschenut also a fan of hondas
10/06/2020 at 21:58

wow, i didn;t know that tag existed. I might have to go edit a few hundred posts now.

gmporschenut also a fan of hondas > OPPOsaurus WRX
10/06/2020 at 22:10

I thought it looked a little bare given the number of parm posts

ShrimpHappens, née WJalopy > Tim (Fractal Footwork)
10/06/2020 at 22:17

Shrimp and grits.

Container of grits says cook in water? F that. Do half milk, half chicken stock. Stir in 1/2 cup grated or shredded parmesan and about half a stick of butter when done. Get the minced garlic in a jar and throw a teaspoon in.

Cook the shrimp? F that. Publix seafood counter will steam it for you, even in Cajun seasoning if you ask.

Want to jazz it up? Throw some bacon in it (get the pre-cooked stuff if you want—who cares?). Also consider diced tomatoes (drain the can).

Exage03040 @ opposite-lock.com > Tim (Fractal Footwork)
10/06/2020 at 22:42

Chili elsewhere is a good suggestion, but it’s not really so much cooking as it dumping prep in a heated pot. It’s my go to for easy bulk meal. Same with A sian stir fry.

Going all Ron Swanson here: I f you don’t, then you should learn how make and grill homemade burgers and season and grill a steak to temp . E very self respectable card carrying man knows how to cook those 2 things for dinner if nothing else. Even without a BBQ, you should also be able to do them on a range top, electric grill/press.

Expanding your cookware and appliances is also beneficial. I like using: pressure cooker, air fryer, and electric grill press (not allowed BBQ :( ). Also you will likely have to expand your spices.

Just keep looking up recipes. Some things will be difficult or have a bunch of ingredients you don’t have and others will be more simple than you thought.

I personally usually don’t mess around with sauces from scratch. T his curry for example is sauce from a jar and the rest apart from the frozen peas were fresh ingredients, the paratha here is literally just flour, salt, water and oil.

Kinja'd!!!

Tim (Fractal Footwork) > Exage03040 @ opposite-lock.com
10/06/2020 at 23:09

I got the burger thing down. I want to learn how to do steak in a cast iron skillet like god intended.

Beefchips > Tim (Fractal Footwork)
10/07/2020 at 00:21

P osole! Equally or more delicious to beef stew and only slightly more involved .